15 Things I've Learned About Being A Single Person

Seven months on, what I have discovered about being alone, from preconceptions through to Jimmy Choo boots, Serrano rollitos, attractive postmen, small TV's, a house of my own and bloody smart kids.

I have never really been a single person, not in adulthood, anyway. My first ‘boyfriend’ was called Anthony and he was an expat Australian in Hong Kong. I was 13, he was 14; he took me to Ocean Park where we sat on the cable car and said about four sentences to each other the entire day. The next day, he called me on the home telephone and I told my Mum to say that I wasn’t in and that was the end of that. We moved back to England and when I was 18, I became engaged to my school boyfriend. Yes, engaged to be married. How this happened, I am not entirely sure but my poor parents couldn’t stop it and bought me some champagne glasses to celebrate. Within three months, I had started working in London, realised that there was more to life than partying at Paradise Lost and drinking at The Case Is Altered in Eastcote and promptly and unceremoniously dumped him, keeping the champagne glasses (and the ring) for myself. After a short but passionate relationship with a Sous Chef called Bill (who ran off to Chicago one day with an American girl and never returned), I decided it would be appropriate to start seeing my boss, the Personnel Manager of the Holiday Inn Mayfair, and moved with him to Milton Keynes (yes, it gets worse) and then, eventually, married him seven years later before returning to Harrow. He wasn’t the greatest of husbands, if I’m being honest, so it wasn’t long before I kicked him into touch and met my next (estranged) husband. And that, my friends, concludes my tale of relationship woe, which I pretty sure a therapist would have an absolute FIELD day with. Deary me.

Anyway, for the first time in pretty much ever, I am now officially a singleton. I wrote about the break up of my 24 year second marriage in January and was overwhelmed by the response. My piece was shared hundreds and hundreds of times, reprinted in The Times and across the world on Mamamia Australia and it opened the floodgates in my inbox from people who had gone through the same experience, from all over the globe. It was CRAZY. Women becoming single in their fifties was an actual vibe and there were very few of them complaining about it. In fact, almost all of those who messaged me sans husbands were thriving. Actually, positively, inspiringly, thriving.

Last Friday, I completed on my mortgage which enabled me to buy my soon to be divorced husband out of my house, meaning that it’s mine, all mine, baby. Mentally, it was a game changer, albeit a slightly scary one. As someone who has always had an ‘other half’ (this phrase should be banned), I had never before been solely financially responsible for every single bit of life upkeep and maintenance, every decision, every mortgage payment, bills, every kids drama, all the stuff. Oh, and the animals. Not only did my husband leave me and my kids, but he also left the cat and the dog who, quite frankly, require more work than all of the children put together. The unseen effects of divorce run deep, ha.

Anyway, it’s been over seven months now since my husband disappeared with the massive fuck off television to a new build with a media wall in Chorley (yes, everyone gets what they want in the end) and things are good. Really good, in fact. As someone who has never really been single, it’s been quite a revelation, in many ways. So in the interests of providing some future sanity to those of you who are in the same situation as I, I thought I would do a little run down of what I’ve learned since Saturday 27 September 2025 about living a life alone without a partner. And hopefully, you’ll read but not weep.

1. I have never slept better in my life. After taking all the previous bedding to the tip (new life, new me, new excuse to buy more), I moved the bed to a different position, furnished it with new stuff and discovered the utter joy of sleeping alone. Ever since I had kids, my body clock has awakened me at 6am - this Bank Holiday Monday, I woke at 10.30am which I hadn’t done since I was a teenager (and I’d gone to bed at midnight). My Sleep App is giving me all the gold stars.

2. I can plan my own schedule without consideration for someone else’s schedule. Just small things, really. I can go for last minute drinks with friends midweek, I can make an instant decision to pop to Fenwick to buy something to wear that evening, I can go to the car boot sale, then meet a friend for lunch. I am not beholden to the fact that a partner wants to do something different. It feels outrageously liberating.

3. People who you haven’t seen for a while struggle to know how to react to a deserted wife. I went to an event with my Mum last week and someone I hadn’t seen for a few years came up to me and asked me how I was - I replied ‘really good, thank you!’ and they said ‘at least you’re still smiling’. I mean truly. It was a bit like when I wore a wig when I had cancer and someone in the school playground came up to me and said ‘I bet that makes you feel better’. Just NO.

4. I’m responsible for getting myself home when I go out, I don’t need to wait for someone to leave with me or leave when they want to. Also, friends are happy for you to jump in their Ubers and detour for you to make sure you’re home safely. Love them.

5. You start to notice the discrepancy between the sexes far more than when you are part of a couple. Getting a mortgage was a major deal for a 55 year old woman alone, not so much if you are a man. Mostly because women have taken a significant hit on their income and job prospects whilst supporting a family for years prior.

6. I’ve still got a 16 year old at home, but dinner is a whole different ballgame. I don’t need to make planned meals every night, no one calls me from work to say ‘what’s for dinner?’. I can eat jacket potatoes with prawns every night if I so wish. Or eat a crisp sandwich. Or a packet of serrano ham rollitos (this also points back to Point 5 and the reasons WHY someone is calling me from work to ask ‘what’s for dinner?’. Sigh).

7. No one can stop you binge watching whatever the hell you want to binge watch. The (much smaller) TV is your very own. As is your iPad in bed which you can watch with the sound up as there’s no one to disturb.

8. I’ve got more time to concentrate on my own health and wellness. You don’t realise quite how much time you spend worrying about someone else or taking on their problems until you don’t have to do it anymore.

9. Have spent a lot of time wishing that people still met people in pubs and bars so that you wouldn’t have to attempt to flog yourself on an internet dating site where most potential partners cannot take photos, use correct grammar and spelling or think that the one thing that you are absolutely desperate to see is a 55 year old man lying on a bed with his top off. Or pictures of them when they were 25.

10. Despite the fact that having to start a relationship again makes me shudder, it does not stop me looking at the postman/DPD man/bar tender/just random men on the train as possible potential dates. God help me.

11. The joy that I am taking from creating a family home for my kids and I is unsurpassed. Even just making my bathroom mine and mine alone has been madly exciting. And the only toothpaste marks are my own.

12. I didn’t realise quite how many of my relationships as a married woman were based on the fact they were other couples for social reasons. I still socialise with couples, but I’ve made new relationships with other women in varying stages of partnership that have expanded my social life beyond where it was previously. It’s brilliant.

13. I don’t need to have consideration for someone else when I decide to buy things for myself. I don’t need to validate my purchases or my decisions. If I want to buy a pair of Jimmy Choo boots and I can afford it, then that’s what I’ll do (again, back to Point 5, etc etc).

14. This week, my friend said to me, ‘do you fancy a trip to Morocco, I’ve found flights for £100’. I said YES, give me the dates. Job done. Absolute JOY.

15. Seeing my kids see me as an independent woman who can support herself, her family and stay sane is pretty much the best thing that I have ever taught them. And the best discovery was is that despite all the shit that they are exposed to and tolerate in today’s society, Gen Z have a moral stance and a balanced view on relationships that far exceeds the emotional intelligence of much of my own generation.

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